It is official. I have now been sustained as the Waynesboro Stake Young Women President. The same day that I was sustained I was asked to give a talk. That is what follows:
Set Standards Set Goals Set Limits
I’ve been asked to talk about how parents can help youth spend time in uplifting ways rather than doing things that waste time or degrade testimonies.
I know that parenthood is a sacred responsibility. We read in the Family Proclamation that “Parents have a sacred duty … to teach [their children] to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”1
Parenthood is a sacred responsibility and I know it isn’t easy.
How can we help youth spend time in uplifting ways? We must set standards, set goals, and set limits.
Set Standards
What standards should we set? In D&C 45:9 The Lord says, “And even so I have sent mine everlasting covenant into the world, to be a light to the world, and to be a standard for my people…” The gospel should be our overarching standard. For the Strength of Youth presents the standards of the Church and specifically teaches youth how to apply them.2 Please use it in your homes. In relation to this, Pres Packer has said, that we are commanded to teach and maintain the standards of the gospel.3
I decided long ago that I wanted to follow the standard that the Lord had set. I want to follow Him. That is my overarching standard. I believe that it is yours as well. Does everyone in your family know that is the standard?
A standard is also something that sets the example or pattern. D&C 115:5 “Verily I say unto you all: Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations.” You may remember that Sister Dalton YW pres talked about Brigham Young and others unfurling a banner atop Ensign Peak in the Salt Lake Valley
Similarly parents must set the standard in their own family by being the example. Brigham Young placing the yellow bandana or Sister Dalton with the yellow shawl would have been meaningless if they didn’t follow it up with actions in daily life. It is important for us to talk with our families often about our standards. Actions speak louder than words so it is equally important to live these standards. One father of teens said that they make sure their teens see he and his wife participate in uplifting activities like saying prayers, reading scriptures, talking to parents, friends, etc. Also, that he and his wife make sure their teens see that the parents filter what watch on TV as an example.5 A mother of teenage boys said, “I think the biggest influence on my boys for using their time wisely has been their father’s example.”6
These parents make sure that their children know the standard. Captain Moroni made sure that the Nephites knew a different kind of standard. He made the standard of liberty. He carried it everywhere he went and “thousands did flock to his standard.7 Of course Moroni
Sometimes I have a specific standard to set the tone for my activities. This year it is, “Remember when in 2010”. This is my directed message for the year. I like to learn about history, and having a specific standard has helped me to set this as a priority. Because I have a catchy phrase I am more likely to be proactive in this regard. Moroni
Family standards help determine priorities. Please set standards.
Set Goals
When we know our standards it becomes easier to set goals. Please set family goals.
One specific goal I have set with my “remember when in 2010” is to finish the personal histories that I started with my parents last year. Working with my parents on their histories has brought us closer together. I’m not suggesting that your teens should be writing your histories, but you can find something that everyone can be involved in as you set family goals.
Family Home Evening, family prayer, and family scripture study should all be family goals. Also families should work together on Personal Progress with young women (mothers please earn the Personal Progress Award with your daughters) and Eagle Scout requirements with young men. Another family goal should be to have dinner nightly as a family at a table without the TV or other distractions. An overwhelming amount of research shows that children from homes that have this type of family dinner are more successful in school, with friends, and later as adults. Life is busy, but family dinner is important because it provides time to be together and to have conversations.
Please set goals as a family.
Set Limits
When we set goals, and work towards them, it helps fill our time with worthwhile endeavors. Even so, it is important to have some down time. The family proclamation emphasizes the importance of down time because it includes “wholesome recreational activities” as an essential element of a successful marriage and family.
Some of the youth I know have chosen Video games, Facebook, TV, and texting, as their preferred individual recreation. These aren’t necessarily bad but limits must be set.
Technology is important to teens. I also love technology. I use Twitter, Facebook, send text messages, and watch TV. These are things that easily can and sometimes have taken up way too much of my time. I have had to learn to set limits.
Determine with your teens a fair amount of time that they should spend on their preferred recreational activity. Ensure that goals regarding homework, chores, and other responsibilities are met before video games, Facebook, or other distractions are allowed. Sometimes you will have to say no and enforce the limits.
In relation to setting limits Bishop H. David Burton said, “Parents … often have a difficult time saying no to the demands of overindulged children. Their children run the risk of not learning important values like hard work, delayed gratification, honesty, and compassion.”8
Bishop Burton went on to say, “it is important for families and individuals to aggressively seek more of the virtues which go beyond this mortal life”.
It is important that we Set Standards, Set Goals, and Set Limits with our youth and ourselves so that we will aggressively seek more of the virtues which go beyond this mortal life.
1 The Family: A Proclamation to the World, http://lds.org
2 Guidebook for Parents and Leaders of Youth [2001], 7
3 The Standard of Truth Has Been Erected, Ensign, November 2003.
4 “A Return to Virtue,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 78–80
5 Howard Brady, personal email
6 Sunny Hicken, personal email
7 Alma
8 “More Holiness Give Me,” Ensign, Nov 2004, 98
